Motherhood is a daily struggle for me. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I love them so very much that it hurts. That's the problem. It hurts when they act in a way that I know isn't best for them. It hurts to realize that they are sinners. It really hurts to lose patience with one of them and see how grossly broken I am. I am constantly second guessing myself. "Am I the best mom I can be", "Am I too strict", "Do I show them enough love", "Are they going to hate me forever"? You get the idea.
This morning I was in the car driving home from the grocery store and was pouring out all of my current trials to God. It hit me that God never second guesses himself. He knows that He is in control. His way is always best. And I can find comfort in the fact that He is always looking out for me. Just as I want the best for my kids and want to do great things for them, He does the same thing for me.
My parenting is not perfect. It never will be. BUT I have the perfect example of what parenting should look like. God loves, He punishes out of love, and He gives good gifts.
That was my little piece of awesome for the week...
Well that and the fact that 4 years ago I became a mom. That's pretty sweet, too.
1/19/12
currently
Currently:
- Sleep is but a mere memory.
-I don't think I have cooked a real meal in about a month.
- My almost two-year-old is taking a three hour nap! Praise the Lord!
- I am trying to decide what to wear for our updated family pictures that should be happening sometime next week.
- My dependency on caffeine has only grown since pregnancy has ended.
- I continue to look at houses online despite the fact that we have put a hold on house hunting for a month or two.
- We missed garbage day this week, so there are several trash bags just hanging out in the garage. Ugh. That got old fast.
- I have gone on strike from listening to toddler music and reclaimed my itunes. Grown up music is all that I am allowing in the house for the time being no matter how many times I hear "I want to hear yo gabba gabba songs!!!"
- Sleep is but a mere memory.
-I don't think I have cooked a real meal in about a month.
- My almost two-year-old is taking a three hour nap! Praise the Lord!
- I am trying to decide what to wear for our updated family pictures that should be happening sometime next week.
- My dependency on caffeine has only grown since pregnancy has ended.
- I continue to look at houses online despite the fact that we have put a hold on house hunting for a month or two.
- We missed garbage day this week, so there are several trash bags just hanging out in the garage. Ugh. That got old fast.
- I have gone on strike from listening to toddler music and reclaimed my itunes. Grown up music is all that I am allowing in the house for the time being no matter how many times I hear "I want to hear yo gabba gabba songs!!!"
1/12/12
undead
Yes, I am alive and have returned to the world of spellcheck and uploaded photos. I will not be posting much for a while due to the fact that there is currently a one week old sleeping on my chest, and I sort of like to play with him (he tends to eat a lot too).
Meet Theodore. He was born on January 3rd and was the first baby boy born in our county in 2012. I am not one for birth stories, so you won't be seeing one here. That's all you're getting for now. I am one busy mama with 3 little boys all to herself. So, here is to getting a minute to myself once in a while to type and look at pretty things on Pinterest.
12/14/11
Currently
-My almost 4 year old is having a football game with his toy dinos. His imagination is incredible.
-My 20 month old will bring me books to "read", only to have him flop through the pages and say "NO!" when I actually try to read the words.
-I have spent at least 5 hours each of the past 3 days cleaning. I sure hope that this is a nesting thing.... otherwise I just became OCD.
-It has taken me 26 years to realize that it definitely shows when you buy the cheap nail polish and makeup. The good stuff is worth it.
-Next year we are getting a three foot Christmas tree and putting it on our tv stand. I am so sick of picking ornaments.
-Leaving the house is completely overrated. The boys have learned to play by themselves for hours at a time, and if we stay here all afternoon I am 4 times more likely to get a nap in.
-The last 3-4 weeks of pregnancy SUCK. that is all.
-My 20 month old will bring me books to "read", only to have him flop through the pages and say "NO!" when I actually try to read the words.
-I have spent at least 5 hours each of the past 3 days cleaning. I sure hope that this is a nesting thing.... otherwise I just became OCD.
-It has taken me 26 years to realize that it definitely shows when you buy the cheap nail polish and makeup. The good stuff is worth it.
-Next year we are getting a three foot Christmas tree and putting it on our tv stand. I am so sick of picking ornaments.
-Leaving the house is completely overrated. The boys have learned to play by themselves for hours at a time, and if we stay here all afternoon I am 4 times more likely to get a nap in.
-The last 3-4 weeks of pregnancy SUCK. that is all.
11/18/11
another baby gift
Geez. I can hardly keep up with everything going on right now. Between holidays, babies being born, and everyday things that need to be done, I am pretty sure that I am going to pass out one of these days.... probably while buying Christmas decorations at Target.
ANYHOW... I made yet another baby quilt for a sweet little boy due sometime in mid-January.
I am a huge fan of the orange, brown, and blues. Hopefully this will keep that little guys toesies warm this winter.
Also, I started cutting out pieces for our own little guy's quilt. I am still unsure about just what pattern (if any) I am going to go with.... I have pinned a ton of quilts for inspiration. You can see them here if you like. My only real goal is to be done with it before the baby gets here. I don't care if I am still sewing in between contractions... (HA!)
I took a quick instagram photo of the pieces before West ran across them... but I am pretty sure that I am in love with the colors and patterns.
11/15/11
redo
Before West was born, I made poor Stephen drive out in the middle of nowhere to buy this chair from craigslist. It was a great chair in theory- wide, modern, and neutral enough that I could use it in another room when he didn't need a rocker anymore. However, it was horribly uncomfortable. Also, tan microfiber is possibly the worst fabric on the face of the earth. Every fingerprint, speck of dirt, and stain was magnified by the terrible fabric.
SO, my mom came up this weekend (because she is amazing, awesome, and loves me a lot!) and spent hours and hours helping me recover it with some fabric that I found on super clearance at my favorite fabric outlet near Asheville.
It is now AMAZING! The fabric we used is ridiculously soft wide corduroy in velvet. Needless to say every living thing in my house loves it. Westley has actually just stood there rubbing his face against the arms a few times. I am a little sad that the pretty blue-gray color of the chair clashes terribly with the color of my bedroom. But that is where the chair will need to live while we are still in this house. Now all I need to do is find a moses basket stand for our room and I will finally be able to stop hyperventilating because our boy will actually have a place to sleep.
SO, my mom came up this weekend (because she is amazing, awesome, and loves me a lot!) and spent hours and hours helping me recover it with some fabric that I found on super clearance at my favorite fabric outlet near Asheville.
It is now AMAZING! The fabric we used is ridiculously soft wide corduroy in velvet. Needless to say every living thing in my house loves it. Westley has actually just stood there rubbing his face against the arms a few times. I am a little sad that the pretty blue-gray color of the chair clashes terribly with the color of my bedroom. But that is where the chair will need to live while we are still in this house. Now all I need to do is find a moses basket stand for our room and I will finally be able to stop hyperventilating because our boy will actually have a place to sleep.
24 days of thanks
(FYI, I stopped keeping track of numbers and I am just kinda winging it. I am still frustrated and dealing with that, but I am determined to make a point of mentioning it when something comes to mind that I am particularly thankful for...)
(Ignore the weird color my legs look in this picture as well as my creepy alien toes)
I am so very thankful that we have the opportunity and ability to put both kids in preschool right now. Yesterday was an incredibly long work day for Stephen, thus it was a very long day for me. But this morning, I took the kids to school and had three glorious hours to rest, relax and take care of myself. I chose to run errands and take about 30 minutes to get a pedicure. It's amazing what a massage chair and having someone rub one's achy feet will do for the soul. Anyhow... I now feel refreshed and as though the next 3 days won't be quite so bad. Stephen will probably have to work late all week, and I want him to feel as though he has nothing to worry about or to do when he gets home (except play with his kids and spend a few minutes holding my hand while we watch Big Bang Theory.) Thanks to the 6 hours of kid-free time I will have this week, I can actually focus on getting things done so that he can actually do that.
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