Writing because I need to write

   There is no excuse for just plain ignoring this blog, and yet I went and did just that.  Oh well, I've got a lot going on around me.
2 little boys in school and 2 little boys in part-time preschool who like to make my life really unpredictable.
   And now, we have decided to add even more of the unpredictable to our lives. This fall we started foster care training. A lot of people look at us like we are crazy when we tell them. Some say how great it is, others just shake their heads and laugh. This wasn't our choice. It was all Jesus. I don't really have any other explanation.
    I had been praying and praying over a nagging feeling in my gut about children. There wasn't a specific child, just children that needed to know that they are valued, treasured even, and that they are loved. I told God that if we were going to do anything that he would need to do something big in my husband's heart. We had never really talked about adoption or fostering before this. One night we were on a date, eating ice cream, and out of the blue he asked if I wanted to adopt. I took that as the sign. Immediately we started looking into options. We both agreed that international adoption is not for us. Our hearts are for the needs of those around us. We want to serve those whom God has placed directly in our paths. So fostering with the possibility of adoption is the way we chose.
     Currently, we are almost done with the training classes, and have all of our paperwork turned in so that we can begin home visits and safety checks and all that good stuff. I have never been more nervous to have someone visit my home. It seems silly that with four children of our own, who have never had an emergency because of a safety issue, that our home might be deemed unsafe.... and yet I guess that is a real possibility.
I am just learning to lean on Jesus, I guess.
      I will admit that more than once, my imagination has been busy and I may or may not have envisioned a little girl being added to our crazy mix. But my hope is that Jesus takes such strong control of my heart and soul that those desires are met by the peace of God and that the knowledge that we are in His will are more than enough for me. I am learning to be content no matter the circumstance, and that includes whether or not we end up with a house full of beautiful boys or if He chooses to bless us with a girl to soften our home. I give it to Him.
     I guess I just need to put down my thoughts, feelings, and prayers and hope that through them someone might find the encouragement or motivation they need to take the next step.

My favorite quote ever is by Jim Elliot, "Wherever you are, be all there." Right now I am in a whole lot of crazy, loud and mess, but I'm determined to be present and to find the joy in every bit of it.