identity crisis

i have a confession. lately i have really been struggling with the fact that i am no longer the carefree college kid i once was ( in all honesty i didn't even like that stage when i was there). but there is something about the transition from taking care of myself alone, to stephen and me, to harry, stephen, *new baby*, and me. i don't identify myself with the mothers i see in the grocery store or those in the gym... the ones that read the home magazines while their children are content in the childcare room. i like to think that we have a good system down... we are happy at home together and make it work. but what happens when it goes from 3 to 4? what am i going to do when i don't even have time to shower (i only enjoy that 5 minutes now thanks to Noggin)?
only God knows how we are going to make it. but i have complete faith in him that this child is in His timing and that he knows what is best. so i'll just get over my ridiculous struggle with the fact that i don't ever want to grow up and enjoy the ride.

and i'm not dead yet....

so, one might have thought that i had fallen off the face of the earth... not yet. i just feel like it some days.
my sleeping, eating, living habits have taken a hard blow. the three hour time difference definitely didn't help my cause. basically harry and i decided to sleep all day tuesday. i did manage to make it to the grocery store so that we didn't starve or anything... but that was just about it.
getting back into some sort of routine might help me feel like i can actually survive the next few weeks that seem to be the hardest. and thank God for yo gabba gabba. harry's favorite show is making up partially for my slack. (wow, that makes me sound like such a bad mother... but desperate times call for extra tv)
stephen and i have decided to drop most of our responsibilities outside of the home. he isn't coaching little league this fall, and we have lessened our volunteering at church. it just didn't make sense to use up the only energy that i have on others when my son and husband would be getting only the useless me.
well, that and it didn't make a whole lot of sense to sign up for stuff when my schedule is completely undependable when i am pregnant.

as for little wee, (still figuring out the name for this one...) i am in the eighth week. i already have a bit of a bump, and it's scary how much more quickly i seem to be outgrowing my clothes this time around.

why oh why do i do this to myself?

once again i am traveling while pregnant. why do i do these things to myself?
last go round i promised myself i would never fly while pregnant EVER again... i lied.
so, wednesday morning (at 6 AM mind you) i will be on a plane heading across the country. we're heading out to see stephen's family. i am really excited about the trip itself, just not all of the lovely feelings in my tummy that it will magnify.
that being said, i am just praying that harry sleeps, i remember to take medication several times that day, we don't have any delays, and that i can actually get a nap in a cramped airplane.

undeleted

so i found my lost blog, but not the posts... i was hoping to get the whole thing back in tact. it seems that i am extra hard to make happy lately... obviously.

anyhow...

i think i am going to come back to this familiar friend, unfortunately missing some memories.