pre-baby blues

    I don't think I have ever actually heard the term "prenatal depression". Obviously postpartum depression is a very real and very serious thing. I didn't know that people actually struggled with depression while pregnant, though. I just assumed that everyone (whether they loved pregnancy itself or not) was just going to be happy and full of joy at the very thought of the new baby growing inside.
     That is, until this pregnancy. I don't think it's the pregnancy itself - granted the ridiculous hormonal imbalance can't help things. I think that the past 9 months has been a season of intense hardships. We moved away from my family, my husband has been working hard at a job that has changed frequently, we have found some friends (but don't have the same feeling of community we once felt), and being all alone with two little children that are quite demanding doesn't help. I had a handful of close friends whom I could call if I needed to get out of the house or needed someone to talk to while our kids played. I haven't found that here. My husband thinks that it is because I haven't worked hard enough at it. His solution is to join a MOPS group. As an extreme introvert, the thought of joining almost any kind of group like that causes me to throw up in my mouth a little.
There are some young families in our church, but nothing has seemed to work out.
    I definitely assumed that we would feel more settled by now. Nope. This accumulation of "stuff" that has been constantly circling my head has left me dry. My poor kids are probably suffering the most through all of this, though. These "low points" leave me exhausted and irritable to say the least. I make an effort to get them out of the house and around other kids at least 2 times a week, but I don't think that will cut it for long.
I am not completely sure what the next step is to deal with my current state. I will talk to my midwives, make a real effort to exercise, and get out of the house to do something with the kids as much as I can.


Mel said...

Bummer, that sucks :( I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to join a group. As an introvert myself, I always struggle with just thinking it is easier to feel like crap by myself then to start putting myself out there with other people. It is so vulnerable and draining. I do hope you can find some people, maybe even one, that you feel comfortable enough to just hang out with. The only thing that helped me was to get out of the house every day and if my social attempts were a bust that day, feel like crap then get over it and try again the next day. It is tiring but better than the alternative :) Wish I were closer so we could sit in our pjs, let our kids wrestle, drink some tea and talk...or just sit. Thinking of you.

Truly said...

oh, Mel. I miss you SO much. I bet Asheville could use a lawyer just like Ben.... just sayin.

LowCountryLiving said...

That's how Charleston has been for me and I even joined a MOPS group. It's definitely not easy and I think the pregnancy hormones and just knowing you won't have your friends all around when the baby is born don't help. I'll be praying for you!